The Unbreakable Bond with Home
It’s no secret that South Africa holds a special place in the hearts of many. Even when South Africans venture overseas, thoughts of home linger. Despite the challenges their homeland faces, the connection remains strong. In this article, we explore why some South Africans are second-guessing their decision to relocate, particularly to Europe.
Here are the main reasons why many South Africans are returning home:
1. Culture Shock and Acclimation: Navigating New Waters
The initial hurdle for many lies in adjusting to a new culture. Take, for example, my experience of relocating from South Africa to England. The vibrant pulse of London can be overwhelming for those accustomed to the quieter pace of Johannesburg’s Northern Suburbs. While some Londoners are friendly, others may come across as rude or indifferent. The clash of norms and expectations can leave expatriates feeling both intrigued and disoriented, making the adjustment period particularly challenging.
Moving to a new country often involves a steep learning curve, from understanding local customs to adapting to different social norms. For instance, in South Africa, it’s common to greet strangers warmly and engage in small talk. In contrast, London’s fast-paced lifestyle and more reserved social etiquette can make newcomers feel isolated and unwelcome. The initial excitement of exploring a new city can quickly turn into a feeling of alienation as one grapples with the intricacies of daily life, from navigating public transportation to understanding British humor.
Furthermore, cultural acclimation goes beyond social interactions. It encompasses adapting to a new work culture, educational system, and even health care practices. South Africans used to a more laid-back work environment may find the competitive nature of European workplaces overwhelming. Similarly, parents may struggle with different educational approaches and standards, affecting their children’s adjustment. These cultural differences can create a sense of perpetual “otherness,” making it difficult to fully integrate and feel at home.
2. Grocery Store Etiquette: From Warm Smiles to Urban Anonymity
In South Africa, a trip to the grocery store is a warm experience. Friendly faces greet you, and helpful hands assist with packing your groceries. However, in London, the bustling cityscape can make one feel both consumed and invisible. The impersonal nature of urban life contrasts sharply with the community-oriented interactions back home. This shift from personal connections to urban anonymity can lead to a sense of isolation.
The simple act of grocery shopping can highlight these differences starkly. In South Africa, shoppers often engage in friendly banter with store employees and fellow customers. This sense of community fosters a feeling of belonging and familiarity. In contrast, the hustle and bustle of London grocery stores can feel transactional and impersonal. Self-checkout stations replace cashiers, and hurried shoppers seldom pause for a chat. This lack of human connection can amplify feelings of loneliness and displacement for those who cherish community interaction.
Moreover, the availability and variety of products can also be a source of adjustment. South Africans may miss familiar brands and local delicacies that are hard to find abroad. The comfort of familiar tastes and smells, often taken for granted, can become a source of homesickness. Adapting to new dietary staples and learning to cook with different ingredients can add to the feeling of being out of place.
3. Seasonal Shifts: Navigating Climate and Emotions
Returning to London after a visit to sunny South Africa felt like stepping into a different world. The seasonal shift from South African summers to London’s gray and chilly climate added to the challenge. Each transition back to London was a struggle as I was bound to feel a sense of regression. The contrast between vibrant sunshine and London’s perpetual gloom played tricks on my emotions, affecting my overall well-being.
The impact of weather on mood and mental health is well-documented. Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a real concern for many expatriates who move to regions with significantly different climates. The long, dark winters of Northern Europe can lead to feelings of depression and fatigue. South Africans, used to abundant sunshine and outdoor living, may find it particularly hard to cope with the limited daylight hours and colder temperatures.
Additionally, the lack of outdoor activities during the winter months can exacerbate feelings of isolation. In South Africa, social life often revolves around outdoor gatherings, whether it’s a braai (barbecue) or a day at the beach. In contrast, the indoor-oriented lifestyle of a European winter can feel restrictive and monotonous. Finding ways to stay active and engaged becomes crucial for maintaining mental health, but it often requires significant effort and adaptation.
4. Diverse Experiences: Thriving or Struggling?
The experiences of South Africans abroad vary widely. Some thrive, forming diverse relationships and finding their place in inclusive neighborhoods, savoring every cultural nuance. These individuals embrace the adventure and grow from it. Others, however, encounter unique challenges, particularly in areas with a low birth rate and fewer opportunities for social integration. The struggle to balance nostalgia and adaptation is real, and not everyone finds it easy to reconcile the two.
For those who thrive, the expatriate experience can be enriching and transformative. Exposure to different cultures broadens perspectives and fosters personal growth. Forming friendships with people from diverse backgrounds can be one of the most rewarding aspects of living abroad. These relationships often provide support networks that help expatriates navigate the challenges of adjusting to a new environment.
However, not everyone has an easy time integrating. Language barriers, cultural misunderstandings, and different social norms can create obstacles to forming meaningful connections. In countries with low birth rates and aging populations, younger expatriates may find it hard to connect with locals who are at a different life stage. Additionally, professional networks can be harder to establish, especially in fields where local experience and qualifications are highly valued.
The internal conflict between longing for the familiar and adapting to the new can be emotionally taxing. Nostalgia for the comforts of home, combined with the daily challenges of expatriate life, can lead to a sense of ambivalence. This emotional tug-of-war often leaves expatriates questioning their decision to relocate and contemplating a return to their roots.
5. Lifestyle Shifts: From Bryanston to Lewisham
Comparing a two-bedroom house in Bryanston to one in Lewisham underscores the lifestyle shift. The fast-paced city life in London, coupled with challenges in forming genuine connections and the absence of personal interactions, can indeed leave one feeling drained. Expatriates accustomed to South Africa’s comfortable middle-class life may face challenges adjusting to a different societal context, even in a capitalist country with its own set of norms and expectations.
The differences in housing and living standards can be striking. In South Africa, many middle-class families enjoy spacious homes with gardens and domestic help, a lifestyle that might be financially unattainable in London. The compact living spaces and high cost of living in London require significant adjustments. The daily grind of commuting, long work hours, and high expenses can be exhausting, leaving little time or energy for social activities and leisure.
Additionally, the social fabric of urban life in London is vastly different. The sense of community and neighborliness that is often taken for granted in South Africa’s suburban neighborhoods may be missing. Urban anonymity, while offering a degree of privacy, can also lead to feelings of isolation. Building a support network and finding a sense of belonging in a large, impersonal city requires effort and persistence.
Furthermore, the pace of life in a global city like London can be overwhelming. The constant rush and high pressure to succeed professionally can take a toll on mental and physical health. For those used to a more relaxed lifestyle, this can lead to burnout and a longing for the slower, more balanced pace of life back home.
6. Self-Assessment: Aligning Aspirations with Reality
Take time to self-assess—consider your current situation, the motivations behind your move, and whether it aligns with your economic or social aspirations. Relocating involves adapting to a new mindset and lifestyle. It’s crucial to recognize that the essence of moving lies in embracing differences, rather than seeking familiarity. This process of self-reflection can help determine if returning home might actually bring a greater sense of fulfillment.
Self-assessment involves a deep dive into one’s goals and values. Understanding the driving force behind the decision to move abroad is essential. Is it for career advancement, better educational opportunities, or a change of scenery? Weighing these factors against the realities of expatriate life can provide clarity. It’s important to recognize that relocation is not just a physical move but also an emotional and psychological journey.
Additionally, managing expectations is key. The idea of a new life abroad often comes with idealized visions of success and adventure. However, the day-to-day reality can be far different. Realizing that challenges are a natural part of the expatriate experience can help set realistic expectations and reduce feelings of disappointment.
Regularly revisiting and reassessing these motivations and expectations can guide decisions about whether to stay abroad or return home. It’s about finding a balance between professional aspirations and personal happiness. Sometimes, a return to one’s roots, with the knowledge and experience gained abroad, can offer a renewed sense of purpose and contentment.
In closing, if you are a South African thinking of moving abroad, I hope you take all of the above with a pinch of salt. There are many options available nowadays with the rise of remote work and digitization. You might consider semi-migration if you prefer a warmer climate. For those already planning to go back home, South Africa still has a lot to offer, and your pounds and euros can go a little further if you plan to retire there. Embrace the journey, whether abroad or back home, and good luck!